No pienses, sólo siente
by GoddessTiera
Summary: Shepard is afraid to let herself love James. Can he get her to let him in?
"AHHHHH!" Shepard shot up in bed with a scream. She was drenched in sweat and breathing heavy. She'd had a nightmare. They weren't uncommon since she lost her family on Mindoir but the frequency had lessened over the years. It took her a few minutes to orient herself and calm down. She could still hear the screams in her head. She felt her eyes fill with tears but she refused to let them fall. She wiped her eyes angrily and climbed out of bed. There was no way she could go back to sleep tonight.

It had been a while since she had dreamt of the attack that had taken her family from her and changed her life. Dreams of the child she had watched die on Earth when the Reapers had attacked and all of the friends she had lost had filled most of her sleeping hours recently. Her nightmares had been slowly getting worse and she was trying to deal with them as best as she could. It wasn't like she could call her shrink. Poor bastard was probably dead anyway. Everyone would be dead if she failed. She couldn't afford to let this distract her. She had to shake it off, there was a galaxy depending on her.

A good workout usually helped her clear her head so she could focus. She quickly changed clothes and headed down to the cargo hold.

She had hoped to find it empty since they were on a night cycle and running on a skeleton crew but James must of had the same idea. She could hear him counting out chin ups as soon as the elevator door opened. He looked up as she approached and acknowledged her, "Hey Lola. What's up?"

"I couldn't sleep. Thought I would get a workout in."

"Nightmare again?" he asked. She just nodded. When she had been under house arrest on Earth after turning herself in to the Alliance, James had been her guard but he was the only person she had to talk to then and all the time spent together had turned him into a good friend.

She had fallen asleep one afternoon and had woken screaming like she had tonight. She decided to confide in him about her nightmares. He was only the second person she had talked to about them. They had spent hours talking. He had even confessed about his own nightmares after Fehl Prime.

James dropped from the chin up bar and threw a few punches at the air. "In that case, feel like a dance Lola?" Her mouth turned up in a slightly terrifying smirk. "Always."

After some stretching, they both fell into a combat stance. They started slow, circling each other and throwing test punches, just warming up. James was the first to make a serious move. He threw a hard left that Shepard dodged easily.

"You need to work on not giving away your move with your body," warned Shepard. "I saw that punch coming a mile away." He tried a quick jab with his right that forced her to take a step back.

"Too slow James," she said in a teasing tone before faking left and swinging with her right fist. He just barely avoided the punch. "I am just getting started Lola."

Their playful banter as they sparred was one of the reasons she found it so easy to open up to her fellow marine. He had a natural talent for putting you at ease. She had lost track of the times she had found herself venting to him about everything she had been through or her frustrations with the Alliance and the Council.

They continued to spar, occasionally landing punches, and slowly the fear and anxiety from the nightmare began to fade only to be replaced with a rush of adrenaline. She let everything else fall away as she focused on finding a good opening to go for the win.

James managed to land a right to her ribs and knock the air out of her lungs. "Getting tired already?" teased James. He was getting cocky. Good. It meant he would make a mistake. She held a hand to her side and let him think she was hurt worse than she was. "It isn't over yet James."

She stayed on the defensive until he finally gave her the opportunity she had been waiting for. A subtle shift in his stance warned her he was bringing a haymaker and she had just enough time to adjust her own stance and when he swung, she spun on her right foot putting her back to his chest while grabbing his arm and using his momentum to flip him over her and onto the ground. She quickly scrambled on top of him into the mount and pinned his arms.

"Ready to admit defeat Vega?" He didn't respond but he tried to move and she quickly readjusted her position to keep him from flipping her off of him which caused her to accidentally press his hardness into her backside. She froze and her eyes grew wide in surprise. When she dared a look at his face, he was staring at her with such heat and desire that it took her breath away. His hands moved to rest on her waist and he slightly lifted his hips, grinding himself against her bottom. It was then that what was happening finally registered and despite her body's protest, she jumped to her feet and put several feet in between them.

He made no move to follow her, although he raised up into a sitting position. "Lola." Just one word. One word was all he needed to send her insides fluttering and a pool of wetness to flood her core.

She began to feel overwhelmed from the intensity in his eyes and she needed to get away to figure out what had happened and her feelings. Without a word she turned and ran to the elevator. He called out to her but he made no attempt to follow. He knew her well enough to know she needed time to think.

She was grateful that she didn't meet any other crew members on her way back to her quarters. It would have been nearly impossible to hide that she was upset about something and she didn't want to deal with questions. She berated herself for not seeing the truth of James's feelings for her behind the casual flirting. She was willfully ignoring her own reaction and feelings. James was an attractive man and it had simply been a while since she had been with anyone so it was natural that her body would react to him.

Her thoughts were interrupted by EDI's voice. "Commander, Admiral Anderson is on the line and wishes to speak to you."

"I will be right down." She would have to figure out what to do later. Duty called.

She managed to avoid James for several days but she knew it couldn't last. She could feel his eyes on her when she had taken Garrus and Kaidan with her to Arrae. It was the first time he had been left on the Normandy since leaving Earth. She knew he was probably feeling angry and hurt but she was a coward and wanted to put off dealing with the situation for as long as possible. She doubted he would let it go much longer though. He had never been a patient person, so she wasn't surprised to find him waiting for her outside her quarters when she returned.

"We need to talk."

"Does it really have to be now? I am tired and filthy."

"Yes. Go clean up. I'll wait."

She started to argue but the look he gave her stopped her. She sighed heavily as she waved him into her room before grabbing clean clothes and heading to the shower.

She took her time, delaying the confrontation for as long as she could. Once she was finished, she took a deep breath and exited the bathroom. James was sitting on the edge of her bed, but stood as she approached him. They both stood in silence for a moment, before James finally spoke.

"Why?" She met his eyes and her heart broke at the pain she saw there. "Why did you run Zoe?"

Shepard looked at him in shock. She didn't think she had ever heard him use her first name before. It was always "Commander" or 'Lola."

It spoke to how serious he was about this, about her. "James, I am your commanding officer…" she started but was interrupted before she could finish.

"Bullshit! You aren't going to use regulations as an excuse. You weren't worried about rules while I was your guard for six months!"

"You were the only person I had to talk to!"

"It was more than that and you know it!

Both of them had started to raise their voices and Zoe was glad that her room was too far away for anyone to overhear them.

"We are in the middle of a war James! There are people counting on us. We need to stay focused"

"Don't you think I am focused?! I wanted to stay on Earth and fight remember! This isn't a distraction. We aren't guaranteed tomorrow and I don't want any regrets." His voice had slowly softened as he spoke. He raised his hand to cup her face but she turned away.

"GAH! ¿Por qué eres tan cabeza dura? ¡Eres terco como una mula!"

"That didn't sound flattering."

"It wasn't. Why are you fighting this so hard? I want an honest answer. No regulations bullshit."

"James, we are just friends." She knew the words were a lie the moment she said them. Kaidan was her friend. Garrus was her friend. Wrex, Tali, Jack, they were all her friends, but they didn't make her feel like James did. She raised her hand and placed it on his chest, feeling his heart beating underneath.

She felt her resolve to push him away crumble. He moved his and to cup her face again, this time she turned into it instead of away.

"I am scared," she finally admitted. "Of what?" "I have lost so many people I loved. If I let you in and then lose you...," she cut her words short, unable to finish.

He leaned closer and she closed her eyes. "No pienses, sólo siente." His voice was so soft she almost didn't hear him. She opened her eyes again. His lips were so close to hers, but he needed her to take the first step.

Time seemed to almost stop as James waited but then she closed the distance and pressed her lips to his and nothing else mattered. Thinking about what it would be like could not prepare him for how amazing it felt to finally have her in his arms, to have her kissing him. His hand slid from her face down to her hip, his other hand following. They slid around to her backside and he lifted her up off the ground, her legs wrapped around him and her arms slid around his neck.

He carried her the short distance to the bed and gently lay her down before climbing on top of her.

Several hours later, they lay in a tangle of limbs and sheets. Zoe felt happier than she had in a long time as she lay with her head on James's chest, listening to his heartbeat. As she drifted off to sleep, she heard James whisper, "Te amo."


End file.
